Cops Job Action in Toronto? This calls for a Pong!

Ah, the lonely Pong. How long has it been since we cast ourselves adrift on your stinking shores.

Rhetoric aside, we note that the Toronto Polite Force [that’s not polite–ed] has taken to wearing ball caps in protest against the city’s negotiating stance that’s asking them to, what, only accept 3% a month salary increase? Not idle their cars in the bikelane? Leave Critical Mass alone? Start taking the crime of advertising cars seriously?

Whatever it is, they don’t like it, and they’re wearing ball caps. Gable, the Toronto Gob and Male cartoonist whose work we find at once austere and bold, held that next they’ll be wearing tutus as the protest deepens.

In fact it’s not been anything like that–they say they’ll be no longer policing “pro-actively” [ticker-tape update: Tim Hortons stock falls–ed.] but only responding to 9/11 calls [shurely you mean “911”–ed.].

What this means in the scary new world of Toronto remains to be seen. The cops have been so effective against teenager gang members killing each other with guns and otherwise these past few months (not) that their absence in a “proactive” way must be putting the fear of dog into the good burgers of Toronto. All over the city law-abiding folks must be defecating in their pants and running for cover.

However rest assured people, the cops are still on the scene.

Why just today, as we struggled with two partial sheets of nail-ridden old plywood, balancing them on our bicycle from where we found them by a demolition project at Gerrard and Dundas and walking them, with much effort, up the lonely hill to chez Allderblob for our a sad and lonely shed on the shores of chez allderblob shed project, a bored cop trolled past in his patrol car not once but twice, looking, as they say, for trouble.

1st Cop: There’s a guy with a couple sheets of wrecky old plywood, struggling up the hill with his bicycle. Better keep an eye on him in case he’s packing.

2nd Cop: (munch munch gulp swallow) He’s prolly packing all right. He’s prolly moving. He’s prolly got a box or sommat.

1st Cop: No, you dolt, I mean packing, as in, carrying.

2nd Cop: Garsh! He’s sure carrying all right. Lookit them sheets o’ plywood. They got nails and everything!

1st Cop: Let’s drive by real slow and see if he does anything.

2nd Cop: Oh, he’s doing something all right, he’s walking his bike. Lookit, he’s halfway up the hill already.

1st Cop: Jeesus Cheech, you’re really as dumb as they say you are, aren’t you?

2nd Cop: (munch munch).

In honour of the Toronto Police force, who so well “Serve and Protect” (themselves at least), we deliver the following:

Pong of a Cop

You drive a cop car
You want to stop crimes
You gotta start by stopping cars

Cause every car you
Let them sell you
Pass a crime against our time.

Thank you . Thank you. We owe everything to Kelly Joe Phelps and Danielle Miraglia, each of whom in their own way caused swooning as they performed last night at Hugh’s Room on Dundas West. Without them we’d be nothing.

2 Responses to “Cops Job Action in Toronto? This calls for a Pong!”


    I am sick and tired of people reading the Allderblob and not leaving a message of condolence. What is wrong with you people. Even my own mother is silent. Only Spin Buldak, the mighty music maven, has dared breach the secure walls of this house of doom. Fie, I tells ya. Might as well not allow comments. That'll teach you people.


    [...] birth in February. The wife? Nervous. The house? Small. Renovate? Move? The blob meets a dilemma. Chez(d) Allderblob starts to look attractive: just needs a little insulation, and someone can live in the back yard. [...]

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