I’m a loser, baby

WTF department.

Beck, a pop star big in the past century, had a number one hit with the lyrics: “I’m a loser, baby/so why don’t you kill me?”

It’s catchier than it sounds, in fact.

“I’m a loser baby…so why don’t you kill me?” La, la, la.

Hum along.

Riding a bicycle in Toronto we often find this song on our lips. La, la la. “Loser, baby…” La la.

Our route between home and work takes us past the site of a recent altercation between a loser and a “winner” that saw a gun drawn and a shot fired.

Did you read about it on the front pages? No? That’s because it only made page 14 of the Toronto Star and Car Advertiser. We never even saw it in the Globe and Mail and Car Advertiser. Not the National Post and Car Advertiser either.

Perhaps it’s because, unlike the case that made the front pages of all the papers a couple weeks ago, where a loser hexed a winner with a wrench, in this case it was the loser who was shot with a bullet, apparently for no reason, by a winner. The winner was in a car. The location was near Regent park, a famous Toronto “slum clearance” project from the 1960s 2000s.

Sorry, what was that? Did we say no reason?

The loser was riding a bike.

ALLDERBLOB readers will want to know, and with the cops we ask: was he wearing a helmet? Was he riding a “chopper?” Had he just purchased a “nickel bag?” Had he run the red light at River and Shuter streets? Had he spit at the car, or otherwise acted to rain hellfire upon himself? What was he doing, in the ghetto?

We know he deserved to be shot. He was riding a bicycle. He’s a loser, baby. We just want to know what in particular provoked this event.

But the cops aren’t telling. The event was reported in the Star on Dec. 2, but there’s no news release about it to be found on their website from around that date.

Some in the International Bicycle Conspiracy have wondered, “Where is the outrage?” Where is the call to CAA to defend car drivers everywhere from the aspersion cast by the lone looney in the car by Regent Park. Where is the front page story, and the interview on Metro Morning with Anti-Bikey, asking automobile activists whether all motorists pack guns. Is society in a state of collapse?

Not the Allderblob.

We ride a bike too, and we know.

Cyclists are losers. On a dare, we just checked the lyrics of Beck’s song and found this gem hidden in the dross:
(I’m a driver, I’m a winner… things are gonna
change, I can feel it)

What’s the difference if we’re killed by a gunshot, by breathing the crap churned from the guts of the gas guzzlers, or from being crushed against the curb by a rolling furnace while crossing the newly re-opened Dundas bridge?

La, la la. La la. Baby…

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